Lovers and Haters

Do you have to hate the person you love in order to move on?

He must have had done something awful to deserve your hatred. Because if not, how do you grow to hate the person you love?

You form thoughts in your head…thoughts that will justify the reasons for hating him. And so you dig in to his flaws and try to bury the happy memories. You force yourself to do this – reasoning out and analyzing everything that was said and done beating yourself from loneliness. Some things are pointed out and exaggerated. We believe the things we want to believe. We cry then harden ourselves. We find fault in him because this is the easiest way to cope with the heartache.

Hate is a powerful word. It comes deep within the person. It grows through time.

I’ve been hated once like this before…hated to be forgotten. And he felt he needed to do it for himself. I thought it was unfair of him because I felt I didn’t really do anything to deserve it. Because I thought I was clear from the very beginning that I just wanted to be friends.

But it was his way of coping…because he needed to forget about me in order to move on with his life…so he would stop expecting. It worked for him he said. But fate had its way. When our hearts met the second time around, there was something there I thought I never had…I thought I had lost…almost. He thought he hated me…thought he’d forgotten about me, but it all came rushing back. And now we’ve been together ever since.

So how can you hate the person you love when the person you thought you’d learn to hate, you actually still love? Always have I suppose…

You can’t really hate the person you love…well not totally. The heart can be independent from the brain sometimes. When you love, you love with your heart. But when the heart is broken, you try to protect it with all you can…and the brain somehow dictates how the heart should feel. It will feel the rationalizations and the logical explanations of the head. So no matter how much you still love the person, reason will direct you to forget and move on…it will dismiss the feelings of the heart. How will you do this? The easiest way is to hate the person so as not to prolong your suffering. And so you train yourself to dislike the person until eventually you learn to abhor him. Once you’ve done so…the heart stops beating for him. And you will congratulate yourself for doing so because now you can say that you have moved on. Or so you thought…

Because now, you only learned to hate him but not really forget about him. And I am not quite certain how far you can go in ‘moving on’ with hate lingering inside you. This is why, they say, the ‘exes’, (especially those who had bad break-ups and great expectations burst) can never be friends…only in civility perhaps…those who have not lost each others’ respect. So no, I don’t believe you should hate the person you love in order to move on.

You can say, however, that you stopped expecting. And so the feeling fades and maybe…just maybe…love fades with it. Until the heart heals and until you learn to accept…only time can tell. But this, at least, is a good basis of moving on. Accept and not expect…but never be a hater of love.