Happy

3 things that make me most happy…

1. When you're happy.
2. When I'm with you.
3. When you're proud of me.
   

The Loving Forgiveness Of A Father

Your mind is clouded with anger, irritation or whatever negative feeling you may have towards someone or something.
Then you react based on the situation.
Your reason is overshadowed with great feelings and emotion.
You tend to say something harsh or do something stupid.
After everything that was said and done the conflict remains.
You lock yourself up in your room to cool your head and ponder on the incident.
You try to reflect and recall what transpired.
Then you realize the lapse in judgment…the mistakes made.
You come to your senses and accept fault.
You humble yourself and think of ways to make it up.
You pray and muster strength to combat pride within you.
And if successful, you come into terms with the conflict.
“I’m sorry.”
You blurted out softly and shyly at first.
“Ok.” was the instant reply you got.
You repeat it but this time you’re filled with guilt and you meant every word.
You hoped for a favorable response of forgiveness as your watery eyes trickled down into tears.
You try to hide it but couldn’t handle the shame of disrespect.
So you pleaded by crying and leaning the head on the shoulder.
That little drama helped a lot in gaining sympathy, but it was heartfelt and real.
You began to sob uncontrollably because of an embrace.
It was the embrace of forgiveness and love of a loving father to a child that strayed.
You wondered how great his love must be as he welcomed you into his arms and forgot about the hurt caused.
The conflict was resolved and the resolution was not to hurt him like that again.
And so you try your best to be a good daughter…for him and his great love…because he deserves it and because you love him dearly.
Then you treat him to Starbucks to make sure everything’s back to normal and more.
And indeed it was! ☺

Unhappy

I want to leave!
I want to get out of here!
I'm not happy here!
I'm not myself here!
I just hurt the people close to my heart.
I don't want to do that anymore.
I want to stop!

Time

I want to turn back time and make up for the moments lost and wasted.
I want to freeze time to this wonderful fleeting moment of joy.
I want to fast forward time to the day I am yours and you are mine forever!

The Reason

You’re my reason why...
...........................my life is so colorful.
...........................I tamed my vices.
...........................I try my very best to be patient.
...........................I look forward to tomorrow.
...........................I struggle to be the best I can be and improve.
...........................I feel so lucky and blessed.
...........................I feel loved and important.
...........................I hope and dream.
...........................I want to look my best.
...........................I want to be loyal.
...........................I want to have a family.
...........................I want to live my life.
...........................I love and my life is full of spirit.
You’re my reason for everything.
You’re my reason for my happiness.
I wouldn’t exchange you for the world!

I Love You

I love you more than love itself.
It is not confined in the words of what it means.
It is beyond my comprehension.
It’s unconditional love.
Sometimes I don’t understand nor can I explain it.
It’s not a mystery for me to solve.
It’s not just this feeling.
I love you because I choose to love you.
But love…oh love!
It took over me.
And it feels oh so wonderful.
I like it!

***image https://www.fireworksarcade.com/images/love-heart.jpg

Lovers and Haters

Do you have to hate the person you love in order to move on?

He must have had done something awful to deserve your hatred. Because if not, how do you grow to hate the person you love?

You form thoughts in your head…thoughts that will justify the reasons for hating him. And so you dig in to his flaws and try to bury the happy memories. You force yourself to do this – reasoning out and analyzing everything that was said and done beating yourself from loneliness. Some things are pointed out and exaggerated. We believe the things we want to believe. We cry then harden ourselves. We find fault in him because this is the easiest way to cope with the heartache.

Hate is a powerful word. It comes deep within the person. It grows through time.

I’ve been hated once like this before…hated to be forgotten. And he felt he needed to do it for himself. I thought it was unfair of him because I felt I didn’t really do anything to deserve it. Because I thought I was clear from the very beginning that I just wanted to be friends.

But it was his way of coping…because he needed to forget about me in order to move on with his life…so he would stop expecting. It worked for him he said. But fate had its way. When our hearts met the second time around, there was something there I thought I never had…I thought I had lost…almost. He thought he hated me…thought he’d forgotten about me, but it all came rushing back. And now we’ve been together ever since.

So how can you hate the person you love when the person you thought you’d learn to hate, you actually still love? Always have I suppose…

You can’t really hate the person you love…well not totally. The heart can be independent from the brain sometimes. When you love, you love with your heart. But when the heart is broken, you try to protect it with all you can…and the brain somehow dictates how the heart should feel. It will feel the rationalizations and the logical explanations of the head. So no matter how much you still love the person, reason will direct you to forget and move on…it will dismiss the feelings of the heart. How will you do this? The easiest way is to hate the person so as not to prolong your suffering. And so you train yourself to dislike the person until eventually you learn to abhor him. Once you’ve done so…the heart stops beating for him. And you will congratulate yourself for doing so because now you can say that you have moved on. Or so you thought…

Because now, you only learned to hate him but not really forget about him. And I am not quite certain how far you can go in ‘moving on’ with hate lingering inside you. This is why, they say, the ‘exes’, (especially those who had bad break-ups and great expectations burst) can never be friends…only in civility perhaps…those who have not lost each others’ respect. So no, I don’t believe you should hate the person you love in order to move on.

You can say, however, that you stopped expecting. And so the feeling fades and maybe…just maybe…love fades with it. Until the heart heals and until you learn to accept…only time can tell. But this, at least, is a good basis of moving on. Accept and not expect…but never be a hater of love.