Sweet Fat Chocolate

What can I do in this box?

Motivate me!

What am I doing here?

Remind me. Give me a good reason.

What excites you?

What keeps a person going?

How does he drag himself to work?

How do you keep yourself together?

Teach me, I beg of you!

Everyday I need my constant reminder.

I think I need to search for my “bouquet of flowers” too.

Or my “stars”! I need a sign!

Divine intervention!

What do you think?

Since I’m a sucker for chocolates,

I will pray to God everyday

to send me my sweet fat chocolate!

Sweet fat chocolate! Sweet fat chocolate!

Are you my sweet fat chocolate?

Is this my sweet fat chocolate?

Lord, please send me my sweet fat chocolate!
I need my motivation, my inspiration, my reason.

Wishing You Well

My Creative Zen Micro is broken =(

It slipped out of its case and landed on the tiled floor while I was standing in my room. I turned it on but it hanged to the startup logo screen and I heard this annoying beeping sound. Damn! I broke it! I just remembered it was out of warranty. Shit!

So I went to the store where I bought it and asked about their paid services or of Creative’s support center. It’s in faraway-from-me Manila! But this guy from the shop told me to download the firmware and see if my computer detects the hardware so I can upgrade it ‘coz it just might be the problem. Yes! My hopes were up.

So I tried that but my laptop can’t detect the damn hardware. So I went to another shop and asked about support for the damn thing. The guy there told me that there is a P1000 fee of having it checked by Creative – repaired or not! The hell, right!?! Then Moses asked what the problem might be with the player and he said it might be the motherboard and it costs P5000! I was like, no way! How much do these things cost nowadays anyway. And there are a lot other cheaper mp3 players out there. I said never mind, I’ll think about it.

So I thought about getting it fixed in a cell phone repair shop or the like but my gadget-guru officemate told me he’d try to fix it. Right now he’s doing just that with the help of Creative Discussion Forums. So far he’s doing the “Caveman Method”, which a lot of the people in the forum said was a success. Hahaha! Actually the “Caveman Method” and bringing it to the service center are the only solutions by far!

The “Caveman Method” is banging or rather tapping the player really hard with your palm or on the table. Yikes! Poor Zen Micro! But in fairness, there’s progress! =p I just hope it’ll work again!

Wishing you well... please work...work! work! work!
Until then.

Fixing Myself

“Grow up”, he said. “Take responsibility”. Those words lingered in my head as I cried myself to sleep one night...

“If you love someone, set him free.”

I came to ponder on the saying. It doesn’t mean saying ‘good-bye’ or parting from your love one. It simply means giving your partner a ‘little space’. By ‘little space’, those words sound intimidating...it is scary to hear those combinations of words for crying-out-loud! It’s like an introduction for breaking up with someone. But no because, in another sense, I believe it means allowing your partner to think for himself without you dictating what he might do in certain situations (influence perchance). The consequences you (both) just have to face after. But allow your partner to make the decision in his own free will. Give him the chance to prove himself. Let him take responsibility for his own actions. Let him! Because he still has to learn...he has to grow, sometimes on his own...even though it’s the hard way. Though you are united in one love, you still think independently. You interpret things in different ways. You’re still two beings. So let him. If you love someone, don’t hold him by the neck. If he loves you enough he is yours and you just have to trust him to make the right decision for the sake of you both.

But what about intoxication...what if he’s not sober?

“I want to be there for you (when you get drunk) so I can take care of you. I want to protect you because I wouldn’t know what to do if something (bad) happened to you”.

You love him that much that you want to be overly protective of him and of your relationship. But no matter how much you love him and no matter how much your happiness depends on him, as if the world will crumble if you lose him, you don’t own him. And he can still hurt you by what he says or do, consciously or unconsciously. What’s frustrating the most is that if you make a mistake, 1 out of 10, the nine good and responsible decisions you’ve made wouldn’t matter because of that one mistake. One mistake! One mistake and it’s all over. All hopes and dreams and the trust shatters into pieces like a broken glass. No matter how much you try to put the pieces back together, you can never bring it back. Love is just not enough anymore.

“You have a choice. Bad things or temptations can be avoided”.

It hurts. It hurts to say that I didn’t allow you to protect me the way you wanted to. It hurts to say that I hurt you badly. It hurts to realize that I made some awful decisions and allowed things to happen that I shouldn’t have. It hurts to say that I didn’t do anything to vindicate myself...or you...or us. It hurts me so that I kept it from you. The guilt I just couldn’t bear.

I had to take a chance and come out clean because I wouldn’t want to continue lying to you...to myself. I’m bad and so ashamed of what I did. But I have to face this. I have to face you...your anger, your hurt and the consequences. I have to risk it because it’s the only way I can be free. I have to lay my cards down and show you all the beauty and ugliness in me. I have to know if you are willing to accept all that. If you can still accept me...

And you did. You do accept me...everything that I am. And I let out a heavy sigh of relief. As if this big cross I carry around became half the load. It’s because you carried the other half. And what’s great about it is that you are giving me the chance to recuperate from this bug I have. You’re allowing me to fix myself, and not you, fixing me. You’re giving me my chance, my opportunity, my freedom to show you what I’m made of...to show you how responsible I’ve become...for you, for me, for us. I just have to prove it. Show it. Let you feel it. These I vowed to myself.

“What do you want me to do?”, I asked you.

In return, you asked of me, “Because I am hurt, allow me to heal from the pain. I love you, and that will never change. I will not tell you what to do but please understand what I’m going through. Love me the way you love me and because you love me. That is all”.

The Perpetrator

Love is the reason for all this frenzy! Either you’re happy or disappointed with your love life. Sometimes, you don’t even care. Some cope by drinking sessions, partying ‘til the break of dawn, shopping spree, pigging out, working overtime and other sorts of distraction.

Yes, distraction. We all need some sort of diversion from love. If not, it will consume you. You can’t always focus on it. There are other things to mind. I’m not saying it’s not important. For me it’s a blessing from God. But this is not everything there is to in life. We have our priorities and obligations. We still have to use our heads. We still have to grow to the fullest of our abilities.

But love is stubborn! It will find you, it will hit you, and it will make you vulnerable. Sometimes it will make you weak, though sometimes strong. It will blind you, though it can also open your eyes to things that are beautiful. It will cage you, but it can also bring you to a different world…to heaven! Though love can be careless, it is also responsible. It’s still your choice. What will it be? Be the perpetrator of love and not make it as an excuse of your qualms.

The Tale of the ‘Monologues Of A Twenty Something...'

I do a lot of daydreaming. I stare at the computer screen blankly. Position my hands as if I were about to type or hold the mouse in one hand and the other positioned on the keypads ready to press Alt+Tab in case my boss goes over my cubicle. Major pretending to be busy (lol)!

Then sometimes thoughts just run through my head and I get this yearning to type in my feelings. Looking for the right words, sometimes highfaluting, I press down Shift+F7 so it will look or sound nice and also I can add words to my vocabulary.

I play these monologues inside my head (sometimes debating with myself) of what was, what is and what I hope would be, based on my experiences and of what I have seen, heard or read. I try my best to translate them into words, and then read them silently to my satisfaction.

I share it to the world because I have a story to tell. And my story I hope will somehow inspire, affect, and bring joy to my readers or to those who have come across it.

My Only Hope

Emptiness. It’s what I feel whenever I’m alone. I try to color my life with rainbow but this vacuum leaves me longing and wanting for more. I devour like it’s an addiction I must satisfy. Alas, it dissipates and I’m empty once more.

Madness. Everyday I fight for my sanity. I wake up mechanically as mind and body collide. What is out there? What is my place in this world? What will become of me? At the back of my head I worry about these questions. We are all afraid but we embark upon it alone. I look for answers and it becomes my obsession.

Hopefulness. All other things are uncertain except for that one thing I hold dear. My God, my God, my God! My faith in God. I pray that I don’t lose this hope. My one and only hope.

Happiness. By simply loving and being loved. It is the greatest feeling in the world whether mental, physical, spiritual. I am affirmed and appreciated. I am given meaning and reason for my existence. My faith in God is mirrored through my love. My love for you and my love who is you. This is my love of happiness and happiness of love.

And because of my love I am no longer empty but contented. This madness of mine becomes a delightful endeavor. My hope remains to be my hope so I can keep this gift of happiness.

My Little Box

I see the world in this little box of mine
Where my life revolves.
It’s this little island called the Philippines.
A place where I grew up and will most likely end up
For the rest of my life.

But every now and then I will travel
And witness the world outside my box
To experience life the way I am not accustomed to.
And I will enjoy it
Every bits and pieces of the moment.

Then I will realize how wonderful life is
Inside and outside my box.
That my world is not just in this little box of mine.
That I can be anywhere in the world I like
And I can call it my own.

I will learn to value what I have
And appreciate the people I’ve met along the way.
Then little by little I will open my box
To let the world in
To let my world out.

And so this little box of mine
Will simply have to give way
To the breadth of life.
My world will no longer be in this little box
But something bigger, something better.

Beautiful Brown China Eyes

I look at him
and see a beautiful man in front of me.
I am drawn...hypnotized...
can’t take my eyes off of him.
He drowns me with
his beautiful brown china eyes of his.
And I stare back.

He speaks to me without saying a word.
He feels me without touching me.
He hears me without words out of my mouth.
He sees me with his beautiful brown china eyes.

He sees the world and he shows me the wonderful life.
He sees love and he lets me feel his love.
He sees me and he makes me a better person.
And I see it all through his beautiful brown china eyes.

Happy

3 things that make me most happy…

1. When you're happy.
2. When I'm with you.
3. When you're proud of me.
   

The Loving Forgiveness Of A Father

Your mind is clouded with anger, irritation or whatever negative feeling you may have towards someone or something.
Then you react based on the situation.
Your reason is overshadowed with great feelings and emotion.
You tend to say something harsh or do something stupid.
After everything that was said and done the conflict remains.
You lock yourself up in your room to cool your head and ponder on the incident.
You try to reflect and recall what transpired.
Then you realize the lapse in judgment…the mistakes made.
You come to your senses and accept fault.
You humble yourself and think of ways to make it up.
You pray and muster strength to combat pride within you.
And if successful, you come into terms with the conflict.
“I’m sorry.”
You blurted out softly and shyly at first.
“Ok.” was the instant reply you got.
You repeat it but this time you’re filled with guilt and you meant every word.
You hoped for a favorable response of forgiveness as your watery eyes trickled down into tears.
You try to hide it but couldn’t handle the shame of disrespect.
So you pleaded by crying and leaning the head on the shoulder.
That little drama helped a lot in gaining sympathy, but it was heartfelt and real.
You began to sob uncontrollably because of an embrace.
It was the embrace of forgiveness and love of a loving father to a child that strayed.
You wondered how great his love must be as he welcomed you into his arms and forgot about the hurt caused.
The conflict was resolved and the resolution was not to hurt him like that again.
And so you try your best to be a good daughter…for him and his great love…because he deserves it and because you love him dearly.
Then you treat him to Starbucks to make sure everything’s back to normal and more.
And indeed it was! ☺

Unhappy

I want to leave!
I want to get out of here!
I'm not happy here!
I'm not myself here!
I just hurt the people close to my heart.
I don't want to do that anymore.
I want to stop!

Time

I want to turn back time and make up for the moments lost and wasted.
I want to freeze time to this wonderful fleeting moment of joy.
I want to fast forward time to the day I am yours and you are mine forever!

The Reason

You’re my reason why...
...........................my life is so colorful.
...........................I tamed my vices.
...........................I try my very best to be patient.
...........................I look forward to tomorrow.
...........................I struggle to be the best I can be and improve.
...........................I feel so lucky and blessed.
...........................I feel loved and important.
...........................I hope and dream.
...........................I want to look my best.
...........................I want to be loyal.
...........................I want to have a family.
...........................I want to live my life.
...........................I love and my life is full of spirit.
You’re my reason for everything.
You’re my reason for my happiness.
I wouldn’t exchange you for the world!

I Love You

I love you more than love itself.
It is not confined in the words of what it means.
It is beyond my comprehension.
It’s unconditional love.
Sometimes I don’t understand nor can I explain it.
It’s not a mystery for me to solve.
It’s not just this feeling.
I love you because I choose to love you.
But love…oh love!
It took over me.
And it feels oh so wonderful.
I like it!

***image https://www.fireworksarcade.com/images/love-heart.jpg

Lovers and Haters

Do you have to hate the person you love in order to move on?

He must have had done something awful to deserve your hatred. Because if not, how do you grow to hate the person you love?

You form thoughts in your head…thoughts that will justify the reasons for hating him. And so you dig in to his flaws and try to bury the happy memories. You force yourself to do this – reasoning out and analyzing everything that was said and done beating yourself from loneliness. Some things are pointed out and exaggerated. We believe the things we want to believe. We cry then harden ourselves. We find fault in him because this is the easiest way to cope with the heartache.

Hate is a powerful word. It comes deep within the person. It grows through time.

I’ve been hated once like this before…hated to be forgotten. And he felt he needed to do it for himself. I thought it was unfair of him because I felt I didn’t really do anything to deserve it. Because I thought I was clear from the very beginning that I just wanted to be friends.

But it was his way of coping…because he needed to forget about me in order to move on with his life…so he would stop expecting. It worked for him he said. But fate had its way. When our hearts met the second time around, there was something there I thought I never had…I thought I had lost…almost. He thought he hated me…thought he’d forgotten about me, but it all came rushing back. And now we’ve been together ever since.

So how can you hate the person you love when the person you thought you’d learn to hate, you actually still love? Always have I suppose…

You can’t really hate the person you love…well not totally. The heart can be independent from the brain sometimes. When you love, you love with your heart. But when the heart is broken, you try to protect it with all you can…and the brain somehow dictates how the heart should feel. It will feel the rationalizations and the logical explanations of the head. So no matter how much you still love the person, reason will direct you to forget and move on…it will dismiss the feelings of the heart. How will you do this? The easiest way is to hate the person so as not to prolong your suffering. And so you train yourself to dislike the person until eventually you learn to abhor him. Once you’ve done so…the heart stops beating for him. And you will congratulate yourself for doing so because now you can say that you have moved on. Or so you thought…

Because now, you only learned to hate him but not really forget about him. And I am not quite certain how far you can go in ‘moving on’ with hate lingering inside you. This is why, they say, the ‘exes’, (especially those who had bad break-ups and great expectations burst) can never be friends…only in civility perhaps…those who have not lost each others’ respect. So no, I don’t believe you should hate the person you love in order to move on.

You can say, however, that you stopped expecting. And so the feeling fades and maybe…just maybe…love fades with it. Until the heart heals and until you learn to accept…only time can tell. But this, at least, is a good basis of moving on. Accept and not expect…but never be a hater of love.

Simply Writing

Write everything down.
Your opinions, your thoughts, your feelings.
Feel free. Open up.
Take the weight off your shoulders.
Share it to the world.
It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t rhyme.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t make sense.
It doesn’t matter if they don’t understand.
It doesn’t matter for this is your pleasure, your solace.
Everything is raw and abstract.
It is real. Filled with emotions.
Careless and carefree…you decide!
But behind it all there is a story.
And that is it.

Sometimes...

Sometimes...
We have to do things on our own.
We have to be alone.
We have to make risks.
We have to learn to let go.
We have to think for ourselves.
We have to make a stand.
We have to speak up.
We have to listen.
We just have to let things be.
It is not so bad.

Because...
We have to face the truth.
We have to face reality.
We have to face our demons.
We have to face the world.
We have to face responsibility.
We cannot expect.

So we can be happy.
So we can have peace of mind.
So we can face ourselves in the mirror.
So we can face the world…
Our friends….
Our family…
Our love…
Our God.

***espirro-no-mato.weblog.com.pt

Inncocent Danger

As I halted in front of the stoplight, I looked out the window and saw two boys playing mock basketball. One boy was taller than the other. At one instance the little kid was dribbling (w/o a ball) and then took a shot as the taller boy jumped up to block it. And it seemed he did because then the possession was with the taller boy. They were laughing their hearts out as they played.

What was ironic though was I found myself amused with these little kids on the sidewalk…simple joys. But at the same time I was concerned that these kids were playing at risk. They were in danger of getting hit by a car or truck with one wrong step.

But why is this? Why can’t these innocent kids play peacefully on a playground? Are they getting the same opportunities as with the other kids?

I guess not. It may be worse for some.

The light turned green and so I sped away with my thoughts lingering with those boys and the other kids with the same fate.

How To Save A Soul

I don’t need to be a doctor.
I don't need to be a cop.
I don't need to be a lifeguard.
I don’t need to be Superman.

But I want to save you…
not for your health…
not for your protection…
not for your life...
not for anything else...

So tell me, how do you save a soul?
Can anyone tell me please!?

I’m helpless knowing this.

A nun or priest perhaps?

Turn to God.
Turn to the Bible.
Pray.

These...I hope...will help save a soul.


***image www.matamata.com

The Road To Happiness

There came a point in my life...
Where I had to choose the path...
Where my journey will carry on.
Filled with uncertainty...
From the pictures of vagueness ahead.
I was frightened.
I was in the middle...
Of hundreds of roads.
I couldn’t choose.

I closed my eyes...
And let my heart decide.
My feet tread...
Where the wind blew...
As it carried me...
Through the woods, the storm...
Across the fields, the mountains, the seas, the skies.

It was exhausting...
Yet exhilarating.
It made me...
Alive.

A road...
Where distance is not measured...
Where no boundaries are set...
Where time has no relevance...
Where the world is in slow motion...

This is the road I chose...
The road that led me to you...
The road we took together...
Where I walk, you will follow...
And that I would gladly do the same.

I never imagined it to be...
As beautiful as this...
Sweet bliss...
Of sugar-coated dreams.
Oh what delight...
Sheer happiness!

Although I am still with fear...
That this feeling of ecstasy is all fleeting...
That the cookie may crumble...
That the picture may soon fade...
That the heart may stop beating...
For nothing is forever.

Alas!
It may seem wasteful...
But this is the life...
That keeps us grounded...
For what goes up...
Must come down...
And this is reality...
We all have to face...
Keep in mind.

But I am grateful...
To have chosen this path...
And living it...
For it is all worth living for...
And worth dying for...
Love surpasses everything.

This is it.
We have come along way...
It has been smooth, rough and dirty
And there will be more ahead.

There may be narrow roads, sharp curves,
Turns and dead-ends...
We will yield to it all...
Not to surrender...
But to build and re-build...
Roads, bridges, tunnels...
Of love and promises,
Words, actions and fancy alike,
Where everything becomes one.

My road, your road...
It will meet, to be our road...
And I will cherish this long drive with you.

Wonderful Uncertainties of Life

We live in uncertainty, but that’s the wonderful surprise life brings...wonderful uncertainties with you that is! Therefore, I will embrace it with arms wide open...every breathtaking moment. Life is so wonderful! I’m in such a high...



***image www.filmsite.org

The Rainbow After the Rain

I have no major issues...no personal dilemma, no family problems, no shaky finances, no stressful work, no deteriorating health, no conflicts with friends or co-workers...no nothing. I have a carefree life! Thank God! I am blessed. But we all are.

So how come people think I live a perfect life? No, I don’t think so. No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect but the Omnipotent One above. I can’t say that my life is problem-free. I encounter it everyday.

Handling it with 10%...ok 20% of crying and loosing yourself out of rage and depression is enough. Shake it off!

Know the problem. Look for opportunities and solutions. Pray hard. Ask for help and guidance. Believe in yourself. Approach it. Handle it. We can do this.

Yes, it’s easier said than done. But that’s just the way it is. Everyone has to pass through it...even He who suffered for us. It’s a matter of time. Just remember the beautiful butterfly that has to struggle in its cocoon in order to fly...to be free!

He is your solace when lost.

The Element of Change

I’m behind the wheel. Out for a joyride. Speeding. The images through the window are a blur. Buckle up. It’s a rollercoaster ride.

I’m putting my feet on the ground, fists clenched, chest out, chin up high, eyes with intensity and my soul on fire.

I’m in-charge here. Follow my lead. Stand up. Stand up high. For we are the driving force...the element of change.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” -- Margaret Mead


***image www.northlandposter.com

Fight the Good Fight

Stop. Just how productive do you think your day is? How are you spending your life today? Think...hmm...a little more...hmmm...

Blank. My day is such a waste. Sitting. Waiting ‘til the clock says it’s time.
I’m a bum at work. How horrible! Shameful. Better to work my ass off with a sweat than in this pretentious place. It’s so unfair and yet I’m aware of my callousness.

The devil is lurking around me. His cunning ways are ready to seize my soul, anytime now, to burn!

Help! Save me from captivity. I am rotting.

My ideas are confined in this hollow box. I long for the emancipation of my spirit. It’s out there...in the wild, in the open seas…where my heart treads. This idealistic mind boasts a lot but lacks feat. But my convictions are genuine. It is yearning with vigor. It is hopeful that the world tomorrow will be the consequence of the good fight, by us...today. “Fight the good fight”, we shall bellow together in unison.

And so I’m stirred not to succumb to apathy. I am in the battlefield waging war against my personal evils. I shall fight the good fight, and I will thrive.

Do you love me?

The best thing about the question, “Do you love me?” is not that there is doubt, but it’s the chance you can answer back, “Yes, I love you.”


***image www.ac-nancy-metz.fr

Victory at Last!

I’m in euphoria. It’s exhilarating! This elation, I thought, could never be reached with my capabilities. I was mistaken. I have proven my fears and doubts wrong. I am as capable and as talented as anyone else in my league. I just needed a little help from my confidence, knowledge and group mates. This is a legacy. It has long been overdue but now I am proud to be the one to roll it out. A brilliant project that was passed on to me to finish what was needed. I am grateful to my mentors who have helped me and to those who have been very patient with the circumstances and me. This experience has taught me a great deal. I can carry this on to the next level and do better. This is my triumph, our success. Nothing is sweeter than the taste of victory at hand. Cheers!


***image www.decodeunicode.org

On Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Try watching the movie. Or if you have...wonderful isn’t it? The mind forgets but the heart, the feeling will always remain. The risk of erasing a part of your memory to forget the hurt, the pain is also wiping out your memory of love and laughter. It’s your loss either way, for there is no love without pain.

During the procedure of erasing Joel’s memory was emotional. Even in sleep he remembers all of the love, the pain, the embarrassment, the craziness. Those were the best days of his life. The times when he didn’t need drugs to get high. The time he felt most alive. He felt all those emotions possible. He felt how it is to love and be loved.

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
- Alexander Pope's "Eloisa to Abelard"

"Blessed are the forgetful: for they shall have done with their stupidities too."
- Nietsche's Beyond Good and Evil, Part VII

It was a rollercoaster ride going through that process. But the best part of the movie was waking up. When Joel woke up he felt empty, like something was missing…a big hole in his brain. More weird scenes from the characters followed until they find out what was going on…what they did and how they did it. Then there was the hallway scene…the scene where they knew that the bad things that happened between them may just repeat itself if they continued seeing each other. A life-changing scene. A decision has to be made. Risk it all. Risk everything...even the hurt and pain.

-------------------- “What do we do?” --------------------

-------------------- “Enjoy it!” --------------------

“Joel follows her into the hallway and asks her to wait, not knowing what to do. Clementine tells Joel that their relationship is bound to fail, based on what they now know about it. However, Joel just shrugs and says “Okay” (indicating that he doesn’t care about what may happen in the future).

For a brief moment, Clementine looks bewildered by Joel’s response, but then she quickly nods her head. Both of them begin to laugh over the absurdity of the situation.” (Wikipedia)

Beautiful. Pure bliss.

The Light Bulb

When I was still in school, all I wanted to do was hang out, play, do stuff other than study, homework, paperwork, preparing for presentations, projects, so on and so forth. I almost took studying for granted except for the stock knowledge that seeped in my brain somehow. It’s only this past year since I’ve been working that I realized I still needed to learn. A whole lot more. Learn in a different perspective that is. Learn something I actually am interested in. Learn that body of knowledge that is actually useful with work. Then again, you really can’t choose everything you ever need to learn in this world because sometimes you learn out of experience. It can be painful, but it’s worth every damn pain. Learning can also be forced but I think that’s still good, but not that healthy in a way. But yes, it is good to learn. Learn new things. Spark your brain with ideas.

Ideas. They’re everywhere. They’re in everything.

I find it phenomenal when ideas grow and become bigger than life itself.

So I encourage everyone to learn. Be open-minded. Never stop learning. Everyday there’s something new to learn. There’s room for improvement. It’s up to you to retain the things you have learned. And if you do, plant the seeds, rather, the ideas. Make them grow. Make it happen.

"...challenge the status quo, ask tough questions, and realize that it's OK to ask why." VegasFilAmGuy


***image www.quantum-electrics.co.nz

Ped Xing. Please Yield.

Damn it!

Just when you think you’re day is going to be perfectly fine something happens...like a snap of a finger or a blink of the eye...it’s ruined.

So I’m going to let loose to calm me down.

This FX taxi almost rammed me over while crossing the pedestrian lane.

I just came from Galleria after lunchtime. I safely crossed the 1st half of ADB Avenue to the island. The 2nd half of the road has 3 lanes where traffic leads to one direction. The nearest lane closest to the island where I was standing was not moving and had quite a line. I saw that it was a stop ahead. The 2nd lane didn’t have a long line. In fact, 3 more cars can occupy the lane to my left but there were no cars approaching. Then there were PUVs parked in the 3rd lane. “Ok”. So I thought, “It’s safe to cross”.

Wrong!

Suddenly, as I was about to cross the 2nd lane, I noticed this FX from the line of the 1st lane maneuvering to the 2nd lane to get ahead. It was the 4th vehicle to my right. (I was still aware and alert while crossing even if I had checked before hand because you never know.)

I was way ahead of it because it just got into the 2nd lane while I was already halfway of it. There were also other pedestrians behind me (I was the first to cross) so I figured no need to run, it will stop to give way.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

It was going way too fast considering there were pedestrians. It was like suddenly from it being in a full stop it had no breaks! It stepped on its gas as soon as it changed lanes. So I jumped quickly to the 3rd lane to avoid from getting slammed! Idiotically, the driver stepped on his breaks after I jumped! So I looked back and shot him an angry - “if looks can kill” – look. He stopped just exactly where I was! Ass****! He even had the nerve of being angry himself! I mean, what!? Was he blind or just plain stupid!? Where was he going in such a hurry while the traffic was still on a stop!? He was just a few meters away before he would stop again.

What’s equally worse is that another driver from one of the PUVs parked in the 3rd lane suggested that I should’ve let the FX hit me. It didn’t sound like an insult or that he was mocking me. I guess that was what he would’ve done if he were in my place. I mean for what? So the driver of the FX would learn his lesson? So he can earn out of physical injury and internal hemorrhage!? Never mind, thank you! I just ignored his comment.

Was it my mistake of crossing the pedestrian lane when I checked first if the road was clear to cross?

Pedestrian lanes are there for a reason. Cars must yield. Pedestrians should be given priority. I guess not applicable in this country! I’m sorry to say that I for one, at least once in my life, am guilty of unyielding. But normally, I do yield. So maybe what happened earlier was my karma. I believe in karma.

I hate it most when it’s a stop and you see it’s a "bumper to bumper" traffic and yet cars would still block the pedestrian lane. Hello!? The lanes should be free for pedestrians to cross!!! It shouldn’t be blocked while on a stop! It’s a simple road courtesy. A lot of drivers lack road courtesy.

In fairness to the other drivers out there, even some pedestrians don’t use the painted lines to cross. Hell, they will cross anytime, anywhere! They don’t even use the overpass. They prefer to run and do the whole “frogger scene”. The Frogger is a game, if you don’t know, where it must safely cross the busy highway, lane after lane, avoiding trucks and the like (the original game used snakes) to run-over it.

Since I’ve already mentioned about road courtesy and drivers without it. What’s up with a lot of Jeepney drivers making a stop in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD TO LOAD AND UNLOAD PASSENGERS!? (The same goes with many bus drivers). They cause heavy traffic! The worst thing about it is that they don't mind! They don't care! Crab mentality! It’s really irritating! There are a lot of those in Sucat Road and shit I pass by that road all the time! My mom already asked one of the traffic enforcers one morning to do something about it. But to no avail, these traffic enforcers find themselves swaying their hands back and forth signaling to the cars, “Go, go!” But I expect more of that swaying of the hands or the sign of stop with the hand. They should enforce traffic rules for they are TRAFFIC ENFORCERS! Duh!

I also don’t get why these traffic enforcers allow, right under their noses, these drivers to clog the intersection right after the stop sign and it’s a green light? These are the Jeepneys queuing to load passengers on the shoulder but since other Jeepney drivers want to get ahead and load passengers for themselves, they occupy the middle lane of a 3-lane road, allowing only one lane for passing. To make it worse, cars from the right side of the intersection with the green light are allowed to turn making it even more congested. Chaos!

No wonder other countries see the Philippines as a Third World. It’s not just because of our economy but also because of the lack of discipline. They could just imagine monkeys driving a Mercedes Benz.

This sucks!

We complain a lot...too much actually. We are never satisfied. It has to be this way and ours only. No questions ask. It’s simple. All you have to do is listen, then follow.

The problem is even if we do listen, what goes on in our heads is beyond control of anyone else’s. We have our own worlds up there, and how we comprehend what was heard will all depend.

So that sucks for people communicating in different wave lengths. It’s utter confusion. Disastrous. Killer.

Well anyway, enough of my whining. I'm really bugging. The day isn’t over. It’s still up to me now how I would want it to end. Hope my mood will get back to its right track.


***image www.istockphoto.com

Dream To Live

I never expected much. I just try to appreciate everything that comes my way. I know what I have and what I don’t have. I know what I can and cannot do. I know and I don’t know. I try to live what life brings. I try to grab the opportunities presented and sometimes create it for myself. I’m fortunate at that, and sometime I wonder if I even deserve this life. Hmm? I say yes, although I may not understand it yet. I am here for a purpose.

Now, as I discover more and more each day about the world I live in and how it’s beautiful and cruel at the same time, I want to do more. Give more to the world that has been good to me. Give praises to Him who have blessed me. Reach out to the people to help. Yes, this is my dream. It’s simple, so it’s doable, but the impact is great! But the more I dream of it, the less it becomes reality.

But I have a goal. In 4 years time I want to look back and realize that I have lived my dream. In 4 years time I want to have made a difference. For myself, I want to “Explore. Dream. Discover.” just as Mark Twain wrote. I want to share this to the world, not for the fame or the glory. It’s self-fulfillment. Once you’re fulfilled, you can give so much because it flows freely out of you. It’s infectious.

They say I’m fickle-minded. Well, yes. That’s just me. There are only two things I am sure of in this world that I have decided to do for the rest of my life. That is to love and to realize my dream. I want to live, and “to live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all” (Osacar Wilde). Dream to live, my friend, and not the other way around.

So today and everyday that is to come is a chance to realize this dream. Let me count the ways…starting now.

Life

They say life is short. Life is short to be wasting time on stupid things with no value. Come on people! Seize the day! Benjamin Franklin said, “Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today”. True all that.

But don’t worry about that too much. There is still time. Everything has its right time and place.

Let’s wait a little while. No need to rush. It’s the best feeling reminiscing the moments in time. Then a crease is formed at the side of your mouth forming a smile. Daydreaming. Looking funny.

Ah! Life. Sometimes it’s fast-paced, at times in slow motion. It’s all good.

Life. Oh life! Beautiful life. I want every bit of it. Experience the life.

Wake up each morning and thank Him for another life. Then just before your sweet dreams, thank Him for the experience.

So it doesn’t really matter if life is short. Who said it’s short anyway? Short for the living or the dying?

Make the most of your day. Experience life that He allowed you to live. Yes. Live life to the fullest.

Be happy and make Him proud!

The Mediocre

Are you tired of settling for the mediocre? Hell! Life is full of it. The world is full of it.

I tell you there is no shame in mediocrity. Some people see it as a weakness while others, their starting point.

Weakness or not, there is no shame in mediocrity...shame on those who settle for it!

The mediocre? You know – the average, the ordinary, the second-rate, the so-so – they’re just like you and me. They actually are you and me in some aspects or another. It’s just that I’m good at this and you’re not. Your good at that and I’m not. It’s a balance. It’s just fair.

So don’t settle for anything less of your value. Once you’ve discovered your value, you’re empowered. Stop digging the hole you got yourself into. Get out. Remember the holes. Learn from it and never fall into the same pit. Then start all over again but this time you’re wiser.

Fight for what’s yours. Fight for what’s right. Don’t accept anything less. Don’t be a cushion for the rubbish thrown at you. Strive for that balance.

You see. There is no shame in mediocrity, just don’t settle for it.

Britney Spitz

Say hi to Britney Spitz!

Yes, I named her after Britney Spears...not because I like her or anything. I think it’s a cool name. Spitz fits just like Spears ‘coz her breed is Japanese Spitz! Harhar! Do you find it corny?

Oh well, what the hell! I love my dog...she’s so adorable! She’s one of Fluffy’s brood...the pup of Moch’s aunt. She’s super smart and sweet but absolutely picky when it comes to her food! She’s a carnivore...doesn’t like rice and dog biscuits! “Why!? When I bought so much dog biscuits for you!?”

I don’t even treat her like an A-class pup but I love her so dear. Hehe! I can’t believe I’m writing about my dog like this. Oh well!

She can be loud and appear fierce at times but it’s all in her voice. She’s so well behaved and loves to play with her toy ball. Whenever I would sit on the chair in our patio she would jump up my lap and stay comfy there. Her ears would stand like a rabbit’s whenever she would hear something. So cute! Not as cute or as clean or as smart as other dogs perhaps but she’s my dog. Hihi! She’s one of my stress relievers.

I would walk her with her purple leash and jog with her once in a while...oh what fun! What an energetic four-legged creature! I can’t keep up with her! She actually knows I’m walking her when she sees the rope of her leash in my hand. She gets excited!

Did I tell you she’s also a flirt? She would only listen to Moch to sit, stay and lie down (play dead, haha!). I don’t get it. Maybe it’s in the voice? Whatever! She also practically wants to play with my dad every time she sees him. It’s like she lights up. Haha! That makes me laugh.

What I like most about her is she doesn’t dirty or pee anywhere! She was potty trained! Yeah, the newspaper trick works! Good for me!

So anyway, I just want to say...love your pets! They can help us become more responsible, sensitive and caring.

Bow-wow!

I Know You...

Have you ever known someone all your life and realize that you don’t actually know anything about his or her life? You just know him...how he feels, what he likes or dislike. It’s kind of weird, but it’s true. Is that enough to know the person?

Hi! How are you? It’s been a long time since we’ve seen or talked in this tiny old house. Teasing or annoying you seems to be the only way for you to notice me.

What’s up? You seem to have become distant lately. Is anything the matter? You’re always up early, leaving hurriedly then coming home late at night...or rather early the next day. Is it work, graduate school or both?

So, I see you’ve been smoking, been drinking lately, been out too much. You look so tired. Can’t you stop and take things slowly?

I’ve never seen you like this. You seem sad and lonely. Managing a smile or a laugh just to hide the hollowness. Is it something...someone or just this hell of a life we keep complaining about?

Be happy. You have been blessed. Everything’s going to be okay. Pray. You’ve been there, gone and left, but you’ll be back. I’m sure of it. I know you. Usted es mi hermano.

Ohana!

Our Beach

‘Tis the summer season, the time of heat and sun ablaze. Wear your beads and shades, your trunks and bikinis. Spread the sarong and chill with reggae music while basking under the sun. Lets play disc on the sand and get dirty. Take a dip at the cool salt water. Race the jet ski or ride the boat. Drink cold beer and dance ‘til the break of dawn. Oh what fun times!

But what I remember most are the strolls along the shoreline hand in hand, the sea breeze blowing softly, our foot prints marking the sand that the water washes away. It’s that memorable first kiss as the sun bids goodbye. Laying on the sand while gazing at the starry starry night. It’s our exchange of dreams and promises to each other. It’s the hug that kept us warm. It’s your eyes, your smile, your touch.

These were the moments...that we owned the beach. Our beach...ours forever!

On Breaking Free

A friend once wrote, "...i think everyone's problem is that we are leading a mechanical routine. and its called life. sometimes we have to break away from it all, but we must also be ready to come back." This was Jean’s comment on my journal entitled, The Breakdown of My Day.

I thought it was a great insight. Then I asked myself, how does one breakfree from the mechanical routine of life? Suicide? Of course not! That’s the easy way out.

It’s funny. It just came to me that after graduation, everyone seemed to be jumping in the same pool as everyone else’s...but it wasn’t a pool! It was a washing machine that whirls and whirls mechanically...just like our jobs. We spent four years or so in college just to join the perfunctory whirling. It’s sickening!

I envy those people who traveled. They enjoyed a brief moment of their life. It is marked that can never be erased. They can look back and reminisce those wonderful moments…moments that they are proud of and stories that will be told...stories that will be immortalized.

So is this how it feels like? This...the feeling of being part of the ‘real world’. Questions forming such as - what am I doing with my life? What is my purpose? Where am I headed? It’s scary!

And so I jumped in, because where else am I to go? What will I do? I have my BSIT degree with me, and what am I to do with it if not to jump in as well? It’s the only logical thing for me to do. If not, it’s like I’ve just wasted my 4 years of college education!

And so here I am… composing my thoughts. Waiting for the time. Waiting…just waiting. Waiting for something to happen with my life. Here I am...thinking…thinking how to break free from the mechanical routine of life (which is my original question by the way and the reason why I am writing in the first place).

How the hell!? I actually don’t know where to start...

Don’t get me wrong okay. I like my work. I think it’s a great opportunity for me to succeed in my chosen field. I also like the company I work for and the people I work with. It’s like family here. Well anyway, going back...

It seems that at my young age, I want to try everything...as in everything! It could be the reason why I want to do this and that, try this and that, be here, go there…whatever, wherever, whenever! I can’t seem to manage the things that I want to do and the things that I should do. It could be the reason why I want to breakfree and just have all the time in the world to do everything I please. But ofcourse with work demands, I can’t do that. We simply cannot. Well actually we can but it would be reckless of us. We’re such eager spirits! We cannot be imprisoned by work!

So what am I saying? Do I need time management? Hmmm...well...errrrr...maybe...perhaps...it can help...I think...

Discipline. Maybe I still lack discipline with my desires. Maybe I’m just not given enough work to keep me busy that’s why I still have time to think of these inexplicable questions…hehehe…probably.

I can be contradicting myself because...now...I’m thinking, if you enjoy your work so much, you can’t possibly be thinking of such questions...you won’t even entertain them in your chain of thought. But I did say I like my work.

Now I’m baffled more than ever. I should just stop. Right here. Stop.




Okay, wait. I thought of something...

I think we should just enjoy every moment...all of the experiences life brings...be it good or bad...exciting or boring. It molds our character. Everything that we do we should learn from them. Make things happen. Think out of the box. Create. Influence. Dream. Aspire to be that someone. Never stop. Life is not always happy. If you trip, standup! We are unique individuals with character…breakfree from the stereotypes…not life. Let’s bring life to the pool!

Love is Pain

Pain. Aren’t you a pleasure? ...pleasure for the wicked. Wicked ego that is so self-centered. Centered on the expectations. Expectations that were not met...damned!

Damn outrage! ...outrage that is out of control. Control your anger! ...anger that is unreasonable. Unreasonable to the person you love. Love that should be forgiving...understand!

Understand that I am not perfect but flawed. Flawed person that I am but who is struggling. Struggling to be the best that I can be for you. You that I love...love that is in pain.

Pain be gentle. Gentle as my heart. Heart-felt apologies please do accept. Accept that I am truly sorry and that I love you. You who I love...because...

...to love you and to be loved by you is the only thing I will ever want.

The I, You, We Analogy

I am the positive
and you are the negative.
We are magnets.
Opposite poles attract.

I am the hole in the needle.
You are the thread.
With much effort you went through.
We now hem beautifully!

I am the words.
You are the melody.
Together, we make music
and sing in harmony.

I am the tongue
and you are the ears…
sometimes, and vice versa.
Together, we make wonderful conversations

I am the stone.
You are the ground.
Throw the stone up in the air.
It plummets back to the ground.

You are my map…
giving me directions,
taking me places,
helping me when lost.

You are my rainbow
after my storm,
giving color to my life,
brightening up my day.

You are the tree.
Your trunk to lean against,
Your branches of leaves for shelter
And your fruit…Oh, so sweet!

You are my inspiration
giving me hope
accepting the truth,
having faith.

We are the life
that breaths the air…
we are the love
that makes the heart beat.

Wake Me Up!

Wake Me!

It’s 2:22pm. It’s sunny outside but cold in here. I slept quite late and I really feel drowsy right now. I put my computer glasses on to hide my half opened eyes. I’m yawning and starting to get teary-eyed. Haaaaaaay…! I can’t do my work. I already had coffee this morning and I don’t want to have another cup. I can go to the pantry and back but my ass is stuck on the chair and I have no energy. It’s too hot for me to go outside. Well, at least it’s not raining, or that will make me even more sluggish. Wake up Anne! Wake up! Wake me up, won’t you pleeeaaaase!? Haaaaaay…! Beeed! Where are yoooou?


This is useless…coffee it is!

Looking Back Forward

And again...Welcome back!
But this time, a lot has changed (besides the time).
So young then, you can almost imagine the innocence and immaturity.
Those were the days...but are not gone.
It’s deep within.
Not hiding...
but transforming into this,
and what is to come...

I'm Baaack!!!! =)

hello friends!

I'm blogging again...i think.

Check out my warning label...hehehe!

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP RUBYROCKS AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com